Oh God, you’re getting into the late 30s now and starting the maybe baby debate. Should I or shouldn’t I? Do I want a baby for the right reasons? Like one client said “no-one regrets having a baby but there are lots of people that regret not having a baby” as she tries to decide.
It’s such a tricky and touchy subject for us women. For those of us who haven’t had the deep maternal instinct to have kids, the debate can rage on for years, and then for those of us who know we’d like to have kids but we haven’t found the right person to do it with… a lot of sadness and panic can sink in.
I’ve been in both camps – firstly I never really felt the deep calling, then all my friends around me were having kids, then more kids. One even had 5. I never really felt the urge, I liked kids but I never felt the need to have them myself.
Then around 33, I started to feel despondent with my career, “go and have a baby” said a friend. I didn’t know, so I went to see a life coach to help me decide. It turns out the person I needed to give birth to was myself – through discovering my life purpose and living from who I am really am, so that was the focus. After that, I never looked back when I moved to Spain and set up a retreat company.
Then I feel into camp 2 – I was 37, getting divorced and it was after a breakthrough experience with Dr John Demartini that the desire to be a mum woke up inside of me. Panic set in, I was with someone but we didn’t really know each other well enough yet, he wanted kids but who knew how it would turn out.
So I decided to distract myself with my new business and say things to myself like “Well if it’s meant to be, it’s meant be to” and “it doesn’t really matter if I don’t have kids” and “well it has to be the right circumstances or otherwise I don’t want kids”.
The thing is I was kidding myself with these statements and not fully owning my desire to want to be a mum. If this feels like you, please don’t kid yourself. Yes, you can say what you like to friends and family but if you have a deep desire for a baby or ANYTHING for that matter, then at least own the desire for yourself. That’s the first step in being able to really manifest something, owning the desire.
So I started to look at freezing eggs, artificial insemination, the works. The question kept running through my head: do I want a baby for the right reasons? It was hell, and the more time ticked on the more stressed I got about it. Finally, the man wanted to have a baby, we got pregnant straight away. I was so so happy… but then I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks – I was devastated. Devastated.
I thought that was my one and only chance – and my inner critic told me so every night. It’s amazing how much we can crush ourselves with our inner critic right? Anyhow after lots of ups and downs, I am now about to give birth to my first child and I am really happy and just know it’s the right thing for me.
If you don’t feel those deep maternal instincts, it’s worth exploring the possibility at least, with no strings attached, to dig a little deeper and find out if not having a baby is really true for you or whether there’s some kind of block that’s stopping you.
For some people not having a baby is genuinely the right thing for them – it just doesn’t fit into their deep values and life purpose. For others, it’s an absolute must – it’s part of what a successful life looks like for them. So whichever camp you really fall into you, own it.
We are all unique and have a set of unique values, we don’t need to do what society tells us to do (which is normally get married, live in a house in the suburbs with 2.4 children).
It’s often these external pressures that make us feel confused about whether having a baby, or any dream for that matter (the type of career you have, the place you live, the type of relationship you have, how much money you have etc, etc) is right for us.
Knowing the answer to «Do I want a baby for the right reasons» starts not with THAT QUESTION but the question « what are my true deep values » from there you can build a successful life for you, not to please others. And it will become obvious whether a baby is part of that, or not.
This is such a debate, I’d love to know your opinion, whether you’re a mum, you want to be a mum or you’ve actively chosen not to be a mum!
Unlock the secret to finding your life purpose and living a life with no regrets in six simple steps https://www.kellymorgan.tv/6-steps-to-wonderfull-career-change/