In the 35+ years that I have worked with women, one of the most often used words is that of “unconditional” love in describing their relationship to their most intimate lover. Unfortunately, most of the women with whom I have worked were or are in abusive or unhealthy relationships over the course of their life. This isn’t just the case with traumatized women though.
In North America at least, love has been so idealized and romanticized, that many have come to think that this sort of love is possible. I am sure there are perhaps a few very evolved souls out there but for the most part, we are all still learning to be loving without becoming invisible and lost within ourselves.
The very fact that we are human – meaning we are imperfect beings here to grow and transform across our life span – means that we need boundaries around our love. Without it, we leave ourselves vulnerable to the very states of being that we wish to avoid. Those of being devalued, walked over/on, being bound by someone else’s opinion of who we should be. Those boundaries are conditions that we each need to set in order to find fulfillment in our daily lives. Love is a two-way street; you need to give love and you need to receive love. Receiving love and affection is just as important as giving it and yet so many of us, as women, just keep doing the giving and ask nothing in return. And while you ARE love in a spiritual sense, that doesn’t mean devaluing yourself and continuing to give your love to another who is regularly being hurtful and abusive, when you are forever doing the giving and without receiving love or appreciation back. Love is an Action; not just a feeling. So, if you are feeling the feelings of love, but there is no action being sent by you or received by. you from another that is loving in nature……in short not feeling loved back, then there are no conditions, no boundaries being set between set by you
We show others how to treat us by our own actions or lack thereof. Treat yourself by setting boundaries in your relationship with yourself and others.